Density of Feelings

Got nothing to contribute
And noone to share
These feelings with
Others shouldn't care

Yet they do

Attraction inducing retreat
Kindled interests turning numb
Jamming all affection
Dear Lord, do I feel dumb..

Still you smile upon me


-
I wrote this up during a four hour train ride. The rails were blocked for two hours and I was bored. I wrote a lot more, but I'll spare you those lunatic ravings.
I was trying to write a rather short poem which should express my frustration with myself.
I KNOW I have both internal and external problems that need fixing, but do nothing about it but scold myself for twiddling my thumbs. It's a way to pass the time I guess.
I am slow to anger.. terrible slow, and probably forgive too much.
Let's see if I can build up the fury to spring into action.

I am still here.. I will update more often.
Will also use less poems. They are a pain to think up (can't vent properly when you're tied up thinking about stylistic devices) and more often than not obscure original intentions.
Also, I will comment what I write about more properly.
Oh, and I did away with that hideous black background. Staring at it too much made me even more gloomy.

Now is the Time

I don't know what to make of this
My time is wearing thin
Can't shake off the feeling of what I'd miss
The laughter that makes us all win

It's been - too long since I last saw you
I feel nothing akin to joy
You were - the one who showed me
What friendship really means.

Now would be the time to call you
For a get-together, for till we know
What path we'll take, we won't know
If we'll walk it together.


[notes: Jeez, it's been a while. I feel older, but not stronger, more mature, but not more responsible. On top of that, I don't know what happened to my friendships. Wether the answer will hurt, or not, now is the time to find out.]

On the Horizon

Do we always gain something,
When we pay or give?
Do angels have to abandon their wings,
To be human and grieve?

Time is an irreplacable thing
Untouchable,
Unchangable,
Once lost, it can't be regained.


The lives we are given are not endless
The lifetime we have is not senseless
Or at least it is not supposed to be
Each one has to figure out their real "me"

One thing is sure:
For the time you spend on others
You get to see the wonders
Of human interaction
For the time you spend on yourself
You further your own mental wealth

For the time you sacrifice to a cause dear to you
Looking back over your shoulder
You will see experiences
On the horizon

Of Toys and Lifes

I plot to live, though in myself
I fell the thoughts will kill themselves
Leaving me broken on a shelf
A puppet, a childs plaything,
Grinning hollowly back to you.


Pierce the darkness of the human soul
Bring light upon your fate
Facing onward let unroll
Our lifes
And discard hate

Observance

As the seasons turn and
The leafs fall, turn to dust
The longevity of your hatred is
Astounding me
Outranking all forms of trust

As my veto fades and
All resistance is screamed away
The harshness of your persistance is
Crushing me
I die slowly, day by day

As my eyes close and
I can't remember what I wanted to shout
Curiousity arises - when did it really begin
I think it is
The grown-up's version of a child's pout.

Limited

Phase in- phase out
This is what life
Is all about
I drive to
Where?


[notes: This looks like it was written down in a moment's notice. But it wasn't :P. The meaning is somewhere out there...]

A Puppet's Heartbeat

Gossamer silicon strings framing your head
Your sparkling artificial eyes are wet -
What is it?
The thoughts in your superior android head
Spotting, detecting then
Analyzing, correcting....
Are you alive?
Technically
You are dead -

HUMAN RIGHTS wield unclear definitions
Made by mankind
Forgotten by mankind
To fullfill the ever lasting dream
Of living puppets though they think:
I don't want to be
Human...



[notes: Yeah, messy I know. I tried to include a sense of smooth artificiality, but it didn't really work out... Well. One should never be satisfied by one's work, or else we'd simply degenerate instead of evolve.]

Awakening

A tinkling wind...
Listening to the thoughts it binds
I breathe:
"Eyelids rise."

Fading - then lost
The dream
Is gone

Valentine Dischord

Love is not a take-away
Befriending one with candy may
For a short while guarantee
The admired person's reverie.
But when it comes to that which matters,
Honest affection... then most fail,
Quick illusions are torn to tatters
For futile intentions the coffin's final nail.

White Bliss

A distant harmony
Coats this winter's scenery
With blinding white and hiding
Black secrets underneath.

The temporary silence
- As is the way with cold things
Shall break in tiny drops when
The sun's eye awakens.

It will reveal scroched earth
To which past wars gave birth
Truth and beauty are not the same
White bliss won't last forever.

dangerous currents

Burn my lady, burn
Take another turn.
I'm the vicious complicator.
I take your hand,
Let it sift through sand
To change your fate
forever.

Scream my beloved, scream
Reveal to me your dream.
Your tears will dry
I smell the burning dye
Little drops frame your face
Noone can replace...
Regrets are born
through pain.

lapsing logic

I was told once: "love is enough"
A smile, a person, oh that face...
It turned out it was just a bluff
A dream, once gone, turns fiction to waste

The machinery within
Keeps up our facade and won't drop
A hint when treachery will stop
Goodbye advice
Welcome malicious consultation
There is no such thing as wise
Grinding on the last mental station

Wherever this path is leading us to...
I believe your reasoning
As long as you walk this path, too.

Hate me tender

Hate me tender
Let me go
It's not true
You run this show

Grin wide
The camera's on
Get a life
And I'll be gone

Wherever you think you're going to?
It is not what I had in mind...
Never mind, it is not as if I could stop you,
You will always drag me along.

Why?
Didn't you say you hate me?
Yelling in my face?
Was it just a fake?
Or is it yourself you really hate?

If you never give me a piece of your mind
So I can know what's going on...
But that's part of your strategy, isn't it?
This way you have always won...


I don't know what to make of it
And how to carry on
I'm about to blow this shit
And abandon what I -for sure- won't get.

Worth it /\ Recapitulation

So you take the photographs and drag the memories up again:
The pain once left in the gutter of the past,
The joy you paved your life with...
Many familiar faces... long begone and left.
The time you spent was worth it
So take some time to rest.

Once

I once saw a sign...
And since then I've lived a life that is not mine.

We're living in a world of schemes and dreams,
And what we see is not what it seems.
What once stood firm is now decayed...
Vegetating as its former self's shade.

But I guess that's just the way it is...

It's not as if we've asked for it:
Being stranded in this world.
Longing for a place to fit,
And still our sails are furled.




I once had a dream...
But it had an inadequate cruel ending.

Defeat

Volts and thunder
break asunder
this dream of mine
hence this rhyme.

But please respect:
No turning back
Gives determination
Strikes hesitation.

But is it a good thing
To fly on angel's wings
When your world lies in shatters
And your mind's torn to tatters?

No turning back
No need to check
No place to run
I give in - you won.

Babbling.

For the hapless guy who doesn't know he's remarkable
For the girl who doesn't know she's adorable
For the cautious who even fear to dread:
Embrace life. And don't lose your head.

As the steady downpour wets your umbrella
I am ridding myself of thoughts and dreams
Rain is a relief for some, for most a complicator
Transparent, lucid, cold are the schemes

Through which we are controlled.

But:
What is a solution without a proper riddle?
A thought unknown?
A truth unsaid?
It would be begone.

And I would keep my head.

But to choose and to muse
About other's lifes and not taking action
Is cowardly.

So take this advice:
Look after your loved ones
And care for them.
But not before you are ready
So listen to your heart.
It will tell you when.

And though I am not dead
Thus I lose my head.

July Rain pouring on my Head

July rain pouring on my head
A cold relief for what I'd done, I had
The summer breeze lifting my spirit
Accompaning the wisdom I will inherit

Once I am done,
with this one.


Hot tears on a steady course from face to bed
Gripping my pillow to suffocate in dread
Blissfull peace an illusion after all
Just a paper tiger in my head's hall

Please let me lie,
For I want to die.


Red blood leaving a slowly cooling vein
Wisdom, after all, is difficult to attain
Failure is unforgivable, so lend me your might
And let me see the sinking sun, what a sight...

Thanking you sincerely,
I stand up again
Peacefully.

Glint

The darkness merely hides the light.

At the end of each dark tunnel waits the gleaming sun.
Waits a world of color and life.
Which the sun caused to be.

But, its burning light is not always preferable.

Happy

And you won't get up
Sprawling on my bed
Don't even seem to care
Mumbling for some coffee

Yeah, as long as it makes you happy
Whatever, you look beautiful
As long as it leaves you satisfied
Cause I remember how you cried...

And you don't want to go
Babbling on the phone
I had this day all planned
You turn me upside down

Damned if you do
I never got far
But I still like you for
Who and how you are

Yeah, as long as it makes you happy
Whatever, you look beautiful
As long as it leaves you satisfied
I'll give you berths mile-wide.

We don't have to stay friends,
ya know?
Don't want it to end in fatalities.
How to react? It depends.
We'll overcome all difficulties
If you stay.

Yeah, as long as it makes you happy
Whatever, you look beautiful
As long as it leaves you satisfied
Though to you I'm probably just grime...

Yeah, as long as it makes you happy
Whatever leaves you insecure
Yeah, as long as you don't whine
I'm feeling fine...